My friend’s biggest regret is not being able to pursue her passion. “Life got in the way”, she said. I could feel her deep sense of frustration while we were talking. It was a bit disappointing too. Why? There she was, in her 40s, still young, but already giving up on her dreams. In her mind, there is no room for it anymore.
I think that’s the main problem. We give up on our dreams even before we could even begin to make them happen. We come up with a dozen excuses, like not having the time, not being ready, not having the opportunity. All these limiting beliefs come into the surface and 90% of the time these are self-created. The obvious question is this:
Who would believe you then if you don’t believe in yourself?
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“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” ― C. JoyBell C.
At the root of giving up too soon is FEAR.
Fear of Failure
Who wants to be called a loser, right? Nobody wants to be laughed at, ignored, or rejected. Hence, to avoid the pain and shame, we never try. When we don’t try we feel like a failure- frustrated and angry. Then we pick ourselves up and attempt again only to get cold feet at the first thought of failure. As you can see, the cycle continues.
Fear of The Unknown
For most of us, we like to figure out EVERYTHING before we begin. We like things to be predictable and certain, so we think long, and research a lot like we have an eternity to do it. We spend so much time planning that we never launch. Oftentimes we get caught up in what we call Analysis Paralysis.
Analysis paralysis (or paralysis by analysis) describes an individual or group process when overanalyzing or overthinking a situation can cause forward motion or decision-making to become “paralyzed”, meaning that no solution or course of action is decided upon. [Wikipedia]
Fear immobilizes us and kills our dreams. Imagine the power we give it.
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There are different ways to cope with FEAR but I believe we could start with two.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Life is too short. Learn to laugh at yourself, and try again. Ask stupid questions if you must and use outcomes as your feedback, to do better, to know better. Grow. That’s the more important thing.
Give yourself a deadline when making decisions.
Forget about perfection. Clarify your goal. Break down complex matters into smaller actionable steps. That way you don’t feel overwhelmed. Baby steps. Just like the old days.
I believe it’s always a question of how desperate you are to get something. It’s like gasping for air when you’re suffocating. If you want it bad enough, you know you have to do something and do it.
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