The Story of The Two Monks

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

“Be where you are; otherwise, you will miss your life.”

Buddha

Does it ring true to you?

There’s this story about two monks.

One night, the monks were headed back to the monastery. The journey was long, and they had to do it on foot, armed with only a staff and a lamp. 

An hour into their journey, heavy rain poured. But the monks were determined to reach their destination before midnight. So the two kept on and walked as fast as they could.

Up ahead, they saw an old car stuck on the side of the road. It looked like it hit a tree.  

Curious, the monks ran towards the car and saw a woman behind the wheel. 

“Hey, are you alright?”. Asked one of them.

“I saw something on the road, tried to avoid it, but my car swerved and struck this tree.”

The woman must have hit her head; it was bleeding.

“We can’t leave you here in the dark and with this heavy rain. Let us take you to a clinic”.

The older monk helped the woman out of the car, carried her, and hurried towards the clinic. Soon after relaying the incident to the doctor, the two monks left and continued their journey.

A couple of hours later, the monastery was on sight. As they walked closer towards the door, the younger monk asked the older one, 

“Teacher, you carried that woman into the clinic.”

The teacher replied, “I did, and I dropped her off two hours ago. But you are still carrying her in your thoughts.”

Doesn’t this happen to us most of the time?

With our thoughts, we either linger in the past or chase and try to outrun the future. We do it on autopilot, forgetting that we have a choice.

sundaewrites

Being trapped in our head puts us in states of anxiety, fear, overwhelm, anger and despair. The opposite of that is precisely what we want, isn’t it? We call it a resourceful state. A state where we are calm, collected, confident, and creative. 

The good news is, getting to this state is very simple. We just need to “Be in the present moment.”

So what does it look like?

1. We focus our attention on what’s unfolding now. We are aware of our own breathing, we feel the energy (the life) in our body, we are alert, and we can zoom in on a task at hand.
2. We tune in to a higher power that makes known what it desires from us at this very moment. In prayer, it can sound like, “Lord, I am here, and I am ready. What do you want me to do today?”.
3. We acknowledge and believe that we have all the resources to produce an outcome. It has already been given to us. We just need to identify what’s necessary at any given moment and tap into it.
4. We feel joy or enjoyment in the process and recognize that what we are experiencing is not inferior to the desired outcome.

Think about your desire to be happy. It seems elusive because of the stories you have of the past and the future.

Past: “He insulted me yesterday. How dare he? He really hurt me and ruined my day. I’ll never forgive him”.

Realize:

(1) How much suffering was caused by the actual event; and

(2) How much suffering was caused by your continuous story of how the person has hurt you. 

Future: “When I get the promotion next year, I’ll be happy and start spending weekends with my family.”

Realize how you’re postponing happiness and putting off family time (something you value) into a future that may not even come. Time as we know, is valuable and will cease at an unknown point.

Present: I choose to be happy now. End of story. 

Our lives are made up of a billion present moments. But where you are alive, and breathing is this moment right here. So choose it and notice how liberating that is.

sundaewrites

The Zombie Mode

by: sundaepena

You can listen to audio clip here:

Narrated by the Author

“You don’t realize it’s on until you wake up. Some people call it drifting. It’s like going into Starbucks and ordering a cup of cafe mocha. The cashier goes on to ask whether you like it hot or cold. And you say, “Ehh, lukewarm”.

“Man, I wonder how that tastes like,” I chuckled.

“Oh, I’ll tell you. It tastes boring!”

The rest of us roared in laughter, but the truth behind that statement stung.

For a few weeks now, I’ve been feeling upbeat every single day. So curious, I took inventory of activities I was doing and bingo! I recognized I was singing in the car every day on my way to work!

I forgot how much singing made me feel joyful and alive. So I wondered, should I pick up old stuff again that used to make me happy?

Backtrack

When the pandemic hit the world, it felt like it would go on forever. There was no sense of certainty about the future. But, in retrospect, I realized that shouldn’t have come as a surprise. After all, tomorrow is never guaranteed.

To stay liquid, I aimed to reduce my stuff to fit 2 suitcases, knowing that anytime, I could go. So I started to sell all the bulky items I owned. Of course, the first ones to go were musical instruments. I justified it by saying, “I can still enjoy singing. I just need to be creative around it”.

Out of sight, out of mind.

For a time, creativity served me well. But not until a few weeks back, when I found myself playing guitar in a music store and started singing. Oh my, I felt like being myself again!

Days after, I went on to re-explore photography and exciting conversations.

Toying with my old camera got me beautiful photos.

by sundaepena

by: sundaepena

by: sundaepena

As to conversations, I made an effort to discuss topics I was curious about and enjoyed the most. These made my brain more alert and stimulated and helped me forge authentic connections with people I hang out with.

So why bring this up? 

I noticed that we tend to become more serious about life as we grow old. So it makes sense why most of us suffer from stress or burnout. We forgot how to have fun, how it feels to be joyful and excited. 

Think about:

• a full-time parent who has not taken a break to do some self-care.
• a researcher who has not gone out with friends for a long time.
• a student who’s not pursued any hobby.
• an employee who spends most of his waking hours at work.

It looks like these people’s sense of purpose or identity got a little too defined by only one aspect of life.  

Sooner or later, the imbalance will suck the happiness out of them like a dementor in a “Potter universe” would. They will lose the spark in their eyes, quite telling that the zombie mode is on.

Happiness

Researchers and academics say that happiness, like a meal, has a few macro ingredients, and one of them is “Fun,” but not just any fun.  

A person needs to define what fun looks like to them. This exercise takes a dose of discernment and requires tuning out the noise around you to hear yourself. You have to know what you want. Not what the culture wants or your family desires. You need to focus on the wants that are inherent and true to you. 

I always use “yin-yang” as an expression to state how I value a sense of balance. In a world driven by productivity and peer pressure, I keep my sanity by indulging in activities that reignite the fire in my soul. Activities that make me feel alive and excited, joyful and authentic. To me, that’s singing, capturing beauty, and being caught in worthwhile, honest conversations.

At the very core, I believe we are built for joy, among other things. It’s innate, and putting barriers to block that natural expression will kill our humanity. As one of my mentors used to tell, “If you stop singing, you will explode.” And she’s right. I can’t bottle up this energy forever. Besides, what good will it create if I do?

So for you, my friend, what does joy or fun look like? What’s one thing that makes you feel excited right now? And what’s holding you back from doing it? 

Once

I never appreciated the value of gratefulness until I woke up one day to realize that in my pursuit of happiness it was the missing piece.

Knowing and being thankful for your blessings is one thing.  But naming your blessing and calling them out one by one in the face of sadness and despair is another.

Lately, I’ve been so absorbed with the discomfort of a body pain. I’ve been dealing with it for years. I would whine about it in my mind and blame it for things I couldn’t do, for my short temper, and intolerance to just about anything. Though I never blurted my dissatisfaction out loud nor acted on the annoyance I get to contend with every day, the inner struggle was real and was taking its toll on me. Depression set in, to a point where I questioned, “Why am I even here if I’m up to no good”. Believe me, it wasn’t always my narrative. At at a young age, I already believed I was special- just like everyone else.

My appreciation of every person as being unique and innately good, made me sought and believe in the undeniable gift that every human being can bring into this world- the gift of being their own authentic self.

But though inherently pure and innocent, we cannot deny the truth that as we grow old, our minds get corrupted, we get tempted, we grow frail, and of course, we retire, for good.  Often times we forget about these realities and wonder why people do hurtful things and make bad choices.  We get worried when we start to feel physically weak and we get drawn into the illusion that our strongholds will always be there, till they betray us or leave us.

A time will come when these truths will sink in and find their way to unsettle our steady hearts. Some realities we can change, and some we can’t.  And because not everything in our lives is perfect we have to take the good with the bad. When bad gets overwhelming, we have to start reminding ourselves of things that are actually working in our lives. Mastering this power will help us focus on what we have, instead of magnifying the things that we lack.

“Once I get that gold medal, I will be happy”.

“Once I get a raise I’ll be more passionate about my job” 

“Once I hit the lottery, I’ll be generous to every person I know.

“Once this sickness goes away, I will work to achieve my goals.”

“Once I have everything I could ever want, I vow to love everyone I meet”.

Conditions. We attached them to promises, to our purpose, and to our goals. But do these conditions need to be satisfied before we start doing the things that we know we’re supposed to do?  What if we remove them and declare that starting now,

“I will be happy”.

“I will be more passionate with my job”. 

“I will be generous to every person I know”.

“I will fulfill my dreams”.

“I will love all the people around me”.

Anything is pretty much doable, don’t you think? Getting rid of conditions we set for ourselves, rewards us with the freedom of making our own deliberate choices, regardless of our circumstances.  And that ultimately defines the person we become.

We can only go as far as we allow ourselves to go. So enough with conditions and excuses. The world doesn’t owe us anything. But we owe one thing to the world- – a better us.

Question.

What conditions have you set for yourself? How did it limit you in any way? What big decisions did you make? Share your thoughts. Love to hear from you.

Pancakes It Is For Me

I love waking up each morning to the smell of pancakes. The sensation it brings equates to a fresh beginning. A promise of a new day stuffed with a basket of hope and a few more dreams. 

We all have to have something to look forward to every day, else, our lives would be dull and meaningless.  You have to know that you’re made for more. Do you know why?  

Your heart skips at the sight of sunflowers and roses, or the smell of meadows and green fields. You smile at the sound of children’s laughter more so of a baby’s chuckle. Your face glows, and your body less tense at a loved one’s touch, or a friend’s hug-  the warmth of it, the comfort, the sincerity of  “I’m with you”- even in the absence of words.

We are a feeling creature, and what moves us, MOVES us. Think about it.

• You feel inspired, you write more stories.
• You feel bold, you dream more, you dream big.
• You feel loved, you yield.
• You feel strong, you give a hand.
• You feel happy, your steps turn into leaps.

But how about in your not-so-great days?  You feel bored, lazy, incapable, unsure, tired, or on the brink of giving up?  Is there something that can do the trick? Surprisingly, yes!

Emotion follows motion.  You act until you feel like it. This is still you, but this time, you’re throwing the ball instead of swinging the bat. Wondering how?

Say it’s the first day of the week, and you’ve got to get to work.  If you’re stuck with an uninspiring job, the drive to your workplace, all the way to the steps leading to your desk feels like doomsday.

Picture this. You’re treading down a narrow path leading to a tiny cubicle, with a mini desk, filled with hills and mountains of paperwork. Your steps feel heavy right? You’re feeling down already, but you have to work. So try this. Don’t walk on your way to your desk. Skip. More like bounce.  Like you’re dancing. It’s hard to do that and not smile right? Your muscles need to harmonize. So smile.  Notice this time, It’s hard to bounce and smile and not feel happy. So then take the liberty to poke your heart.  Your mind will then start to talk.    

Mind to Heart.  “You know life is too short. Let’s give it our best shot. Even just for today. Tomorrow will have its own time,  I mean, It’s for another day. But right now, it’s you, me, and this awesome body taking on this day. Let’s do this! Ahhh and I’m so looking forward to that cup of barley tonight, and a fresh stack of pancakes in the morning, with blueberries on top? (and so it goes).

Emotion follows motion. Try it. Your days are too precious to leave it gloomy and sad. Make it happy. Throw in glitters of hope.You owe it to your self. 

Come on. Smile already. 🙂

What You Need To Know About Happiness

It cannot be found. The world doesn’t owe it to you. It can’t be guaranteed by anyone or anything, not even by a therapist, an enlightened guru, or by any amount of wealth, fame and power.

Chasing happiness makes it elusive, just like sleep when you desperately want it.  So where does happiness lie? How does one get to possess it?

Let me tell you a story about a wealthy family. 

One day there was this boy who’s celebrating his 8th birthday. As a present, his parents took him down the countryside for the weekend. They stayed in a spacious cabin by the lake, not very far from a small farm. This was the very first time that the family ever spent time away from the city.  

The next day, the father took his kid fishing, and both decided to stay until mid-afternoon to feast on their catch.  After having their fill, they decided to take a longer route going back and happened to pass by the small farm. 

The pair saw the family living there spending some fun afternoon just outside their barn.  Three kids are running around, playing with chickens and goats, climbing and jumping down haystacks. Two men sipping their cup of hot tea while a teenage boy plays a folk song in his rugged jeans with his old guitar entertaining the older men. Coming out from an old wooden house, a young woman and an elderly lady are carrying a plate of freshly baked cookies and a pile of bread, bidding the kids to come and grab some. 

As the father and son moved in closer, the oldest man from the farm noticed them, and without hesitation waved and invited the two to stop by. The rich man hesitated, said thank you and carried on.  

As the pair inch further away, the boy can’t help but look back and glance at the family again and again. Finally, they reached the cabin. The night was already deep and the farm was out of sight.

At the dinner table, the boy recounted his day and out of the blue, he quipped.

Boy: “Dad, I realize they are richer than us”.

Dad: “Who, son”?

Boy: “The family at the farm”.

Dad: “What do you mean? They don’t have much. But us, we own a lot of companies, live in a huge house with lots of cars, you can have all the sweets you want, and you’re always safe as I have servants looking after you, drop you to school and pick you up.  There’s freedom in our wealth, son, you can do anything”!

Son: “Well dad, they have a million lights above them, they have the stars. And the sky is huge, they get to enjoy it every time. They are always together, they look very happy and they celebrate every moment. They don’t just pass the time, they live it, savor it, just like those freshly baked cookies. It smelled so delicious and to them, every moment is treated like that. And it seems they didn’t feel scared.  They don’t have big men watching over them or guarding them. I think they have Someone bigger and stronger than the guards we have. I don’t know. But I just feel they’re richer than us, they’re freer, happier, and I think they’ve got something really special”.

The father was astonished about what he heard and was lost for words. 

My friend, happiness cannot be circumstantial because it’s within us- a sleeping giant that just needs to be awakened. You don’t need any magic tricks, fancy cars, shiny shoes or mansions. You don’t need to be a superstar nor would you need a hermit to reveal an ancient secret to you. Happiness is already in you. You just need to bring it out. Your spark, your gift, your beauty, your goodness, it lies at the very core of your being. 

The challenge? Piece by piece, layer by layer, strip yourself off with your masks, pretensions, pride, hate, with worldly desires and dependencies. Your soul and your heart, in it’s barest state, reveals the true you, and because of so much goodness that lies within that core, there lies not just happiness, but pure joy too.

You are your own joy. Celebrate your being, and move the world beautifully in ways that only you can.

 

Finding Happiness Where You Are

Years ago, I came across the idea of ”Victim Mentality”. This way of thinking means that we are always victims of our circumstances and experiences and therefore presupposes that we cannot take responsibility for what happens to us and worse, for what happens next. People trapped in this mindset are resigned to the idea of, “It is what it is”, no further questions, life is harsh, the cycle keeps going on and on until our last breath.

Doesn’t it sound hopeless and boring? If the average lifespan of people these days is 70 years, imagine branding seven decades of existence like a horrible mistake or a bag of trash.
That means waking up each day feeling and believing that you’re a loser. Now THAT is torture. How so?

The biggest mistake that you can ever make in this world is giving up on life and worse , It’s giving up on you.

sundaewrites

Our existence is not just spelled out by a series of receiving and accepting.

There lies power in every human being to create, to change, to take control of what we can. Not just in the grandest schemes but so too in the simplest act. Little by little, we can inch forward, moment by moment, day by day.

A lot of us feel overwhelmed because we are too fixated on the outcome or the ultimate success, however, we define it. We look past the things that we can do now, the step that we can take, and the decision that we can make. So oftentimes, when we “feel stuck in a rut”, we perceive the rest of our future as bleak, heavy, impossible, pointless.

You are not a victim of this world.

Even if you insist you are, you can choose not to remain as such. Rewrite your script. There is absolutely something that you can do right now.

When author Stephen Covey shared his idea of the 90/10 rule, he didn’t just give us a new perspective in life, but a sensible tool on how to carry through our lives day by day.

The rule states, 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and 90% of life is decided by how you react. That said, a great amount of power actually lies in our hands, and deeper than that, in our own will. Taking that will to the next level would be, to not just go through the motions and live life passively like watching a show. You see, we keep forgetting that this our life and our show. We are in fact the lead characters, and we do write our own story.

Imagine you’re a painter.

You have this blank canvas in front of you and you have all the other tools you need: easel, paintbrush, paint, palette, etc. Now you’ve set out to create the greatest masterpiece of all time. Do you then take this task lightly? Of course not! You start planning, imagining, composing that gorgeous, charming image in your mind long before the very first brush stroke even lands on the surface.

My friend, your life is your masterpiece. You can always paint hues of happiness IN and AROUND it.

Happiness has to be something that you create. Something you decide within you before you go out that door. Will you own it?

sundaewrites

Why Having More Choices Can Make You Feel Less Happy

It all boils down one thing. But first, let’s go through a typical day.

From the minute you wake up, your mind would have gone through a long list of decisions to make.

• What will I have for breakfast?
• What clothes do I wear today?
• Which pair of shoes would go with it?
• What should I prioritize at work?
• What can I order for lunch?
• Which flavor of ice cream shall I have?
• Which coffee shall I order?
• Should I opt for plan A, D, or F?
• Shall I have meat tonight or fish?
• Which brand of tissues should I go for? Brand of shampoo?
• Which show do I watch on Netflix? Which program do I watch on tv?

And the list goes on, and longer especially when you are a parent, a spouse, and you’re trying to do all things and squeeze them all in one day.

Is choosing meant to be a joy-stealer? No. Then why is it draining our energy? Mind you,

It’s not the decision that’s exhausting us, it’s the number of options we have on the table.

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Think about these.

If you only have one pair of office shoes, you’d just wear them every day regardless of the style or color of clothes you put on.

If there’s only one brand of tissue, one brand of shampoo, your trip to the grocery store would be done in less than half an hour.

If there’s only one show on Netflix, you never have to scroll through it for too long. You just decide whether to watch it or not.

If there’s only one school in your town or city, you won’t have to spend time comparing. Instead, you can focus your energy on finding ways to pay off tuition fees.

Too many options lead us to experience what Psychologists call Decision Fatigue. It’s

the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual after a long session of decision making.

Wikipedia

Why? Because,

We use the same amount of willpower every time we make a decision regardless if it’s important or not.

Having too many options before us can be exhausting. Imagine scanning through a lot of information, choices, and combinations, that you end up feeling like, you don’t know what you want anymore. So when you’re faced with more important decisions, you’re left with depleted energy, no focus, and no wits.

There’s no quick way to fix this, but definitely,

We could start with reducing our choices. 

Dr. Laurie Santos- Yale University

Perhaps:

• Have the same thing for dinner every night. Create a routine.
• Have a fewer set of clothes, or stick to two pairs of shoes.
• Stick to one color theme at home.
• Only keep one phone. One tv. One mug, if you’re living alone.
  

Whatever you decide, keep things simple so it’s easier for you. Remember, you only have limited mental energy for the day. Make sure you use it, where it matters the most.

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Make Room

“If people are not traveling the same path as yours, it doesn’t mean that they are lost”- #sundaewrites

 

I grew up getting almost everything I want.  I was fortunate to have a doting father. Though I’m forever grateful for that, such near perfection didn’t help much in my ability to accept failure, defeat, and rejection during my adult life. I was overly sensitive and had a strong desire to be liked, to be accepted, and be noticed.  For me to get that, I worked really hard to please other people, to be the best that I can be, not because I wanted to, but because I needed to.

I knew then that being Miss Ideal would get me raving fans, and that’s exactly what I’ve got– raving fans.Then I realized there were still other people who I can’t seem to reach– the imperfect ones. The problem kids, troubled teenagers, the unpopular, the nobodies. I thought, if I want to be to be liked by them, I had to be like them.  So I switched sides.  That decision completed my experience on both sides of the world.

After all the hassles and risks, do you think I was accepted, liked and loved?  I believe I was, but it was never enough.  And I figured out why. There was one person left in the room who’s not giving me what I want. That person was me.

Do you wonder why you are unhappy, or dissatisfied?  Why you long so much to find happiness in your outside world?  It’s because your inner world is broken.  It’s not as bright as it supposed to be. It’s dark, dull, empty and confused.

Let me put something on your plate.

Lower your expectations of others.

People make mistakes.  There are days when they are not the best versions of themselves. And some days they couldn’t care about you.  They have issues too you know.  And you can’t compel them to place you at the center of their lives.  They are the center of their lives as much as you are the center of your own. A person who can’t take care of himself isn’t capable of taking care of another human being.  Even if he tries, the fire will soon die if he neglects to add fuel to the furnace. Putting that fuel is something you do yourself. It’s not anyone else’s job.  So own it.

Forgive yourself as often as you can, then do better.

Admit it. You are impatient with others because you are impatient with yourself.  You remain miserable because while others have moved on, you chose to carry the weight around you. Trust me, you’ll never get anywhere if you keep reliving your failures. Feel sorry yes, but don’t dwell on it for too long. Confront yourself with “what now”, enough with “Why, me?.”

Stop projecting your desired realities on to others.

That’s just fair, isn’t it? Because you don’t want others as well to tell you what you should do or supposed to have to be completely happy. Happiness, after all, is an inside job.The fulfillment of such rests on you. So allow people to live a life that is true to them. You have your own to worry about.

photo credit: Aaron Burden

Our life has its own unique design. As a saying goes, “If people are not traveling the same path as yours, it doesn’t mean that they are lost”.  We have our own space and time to fill.  Respect that and you will learn to lower the bars for other people and adjust the bars you set for yourself.

Don’t fret about getting what you want. Don’t be somebody else’s responsibility. Better than that, give life whenever you can and nourish your inner world as much as you should.

Question:

Was there an instance in your life where you believed someone failed you? How was your journey during that phase? How did it change your perspective in life? Comment here. I want to listen to your heart. Let me hear you.