When Do We Love Best?

There’s no need for love to be profound.  It is what it is even in the mundane of things.

Words are cheap. It’s easy to say I love yous’ and not really stand by every word you express. It’s easy to feel love for other people especially when they’re miles away and you don’t need to put up with their daily dramas and annoyances. So I believe, we love best when we do so even if,

it’s uncomfortable,

even when it’s hard,

even when it takes up your time, your energy and your resources.

So, are we really ready for this? Do we have the strength of will to carry on?

Love is a verb.  It’s a call to action. The most beautiful of roses have thorns. So it is with love- the sweetest of it requires the greatest sacrifice.  A call for a noble deed or dying for a friend may be uncommon these days, but that call exists even in the simplest of circumstances:

-to lose sleep for a loved one who needs to talk his heart out through the night

-to save a sandwich for a coworker who missed lunch because of deadlines

-to trash your well-laid plans for the day and drop by to check on a friend

-to laugh at your dad’s joke no matter how silly it is ‘coz you’re happy that he is

-to remember someone’s need in prayer, even if you have much of your own

-to put up with a kids tantrum, knowing he’s just scared and maybe needs attention as grown-ups still do

There are a lot of different ways to act on love, but often times we neglect these opportunities because we’re so focused on ourselves and our needs. So we end up loving in our own terms. Conditional. But maybe if we give it a little more effort, and speak the kind of language the other person has, we can brighten someone else’s day and there’ll be one less lonely or sad person in the world. One person at a time. One effort at a time. That wouldn’t be so overwhelming.

If a person feels loved when somebody listens to his stories- lend an ear. If a person feels loved when she gets an encouragement- say something. If a person feels loved by receiving some help- extend a hand. There’s no need for love to be profound.  It is what it is even in the mundane of things.

And for us who expects love in a big way- like a strong wind that sweeps us off our feet, my challenge is this:  Wake up, and see love in the ordinary.  A kind smile. A sunny day, even a rainy one. A warm home-cooked meal. A hand to hold. A glimpse of nature. A gentle word.

Love is everywhere and it is in you too.  Don’t just show up to receive it. Show up to give it. Your own little way makes it special, makes it count.  A friend, a husband,  wife, a father, a son, a mom a daughter, a colleague, a stranger, we are no different from one another.  Everybody needs love. And everybody is capable of giving it. Be it simple or grand- act on it, and on the flipside, learn to recognize it too.

On Life and Love

Live today like it’s your whole life.

Seneca

Most of us get it wrong.

We stick to “You only live once”, or “Live today as if it were your last”. Often, we end up being reckless and irresponsible. I am no exception to this, having spent weeks daydreaming about alternate realities. Is it a case of me not wanting my reality? Resisting what is? Refusing suffering and pain? Perhaps, and I’m still finding my way towards acceptance.

I have watched the live stream talk given by Sr. Miriam Heidland as she led the St. Mary Parish mission this year. Stumbling upon the event was no coincidence. A lot of truths were revealed but one thing that spoke to me was “my ache for an encounter with Christ”.  

As Sr. Miriam puts it, sometimes our desires and affections are disordered. We search in the wrong places. We prefer a quick fix. We refuse to accept the answers we don’t like to hear.  

But like that scene from the movie “Narnia” where the little girl was hoping to find another stream to drink from, and to which the lion replied, “There is no other stream”, our thirst will never be quenched until we brave going down a right path, however scary and difficult it would seem.

We all need saving. 

For me, such a message is even more profound as I write this during the season of Lent. We recycle sins, bad habits, negative thoughts, and corrupted intentions. Our struggle against these things seems to go on forever. We agonize in defeat, we lose hope and we lose sight of the good. Indeed, when we cannot imagine a brighter future for ourselves, our past is bound to happen again and again.

How do we move forward?

It’s time to let go of the reins. 

We kept driving this carriage as if we know where we ought to go. We decide on things before seeking counsel. We treat each day carelessly as if there’s more. We pursue what’s unnecessary and postpone what is. If we go on like this, our happiness will always be shallow, and our lives would feel as if it never really mattered when the opposite is true.

We need to step into prayer and trust. 

We begin by acknowledging where we are and who we are at this moment, and who we desire to be– a better version of ourselves, the realization of our highest possibility. We need to lay bare the good and ugly parts of our lives, the things we’re proud of, and the things we bury in the darkest places and allow God’s grace to seep through our cracks. After all, He promised to never leave us broken but to make us whole. Our story doesn’t reach the end until we are healed in the broken places.

We need to be receptive, fully taking in what is freely given to us. 

In my life and yours, this could mean vulnerability- embracing every bit of moment we get, knowing and fully believing that God is there at every stage handing seeds of love, mercy, and healing. 

Our heart gets broken into a million pieces each time we experience pain in suffering, a deep hunger for beauty, and an ache for love. But it is in these moments when hearts bleed out that WE can love the most. When you think about that, you’ll see a different kind of opportunity, one that’s scary but fulfilling to embrace.

Not yet doesn’t mean not ever. Let’s find strength in knowing that it does get better and that every ache, longing, and pain we experience in this life will never go to waste.

Make Room

“If people are not traveling the same path as yours, it doesn’t mean that they are lost”- #sundaewrites

 

I grew up getting almost everything I want.  I was fortunate to have a doting father. Though I’m forever grateful for that, such near perfection didn’t help much in my ability to accept failure, defeat, and rejection during my adult life. I was overly sensitive and had a strong desire to be liked, to be accepted, and be noticed.  For me to get that, I worked really hard to please other people, to be the best that I can be, not because I wanted to, but because I needed to.

I knew then that being Miss Ideal would get me raving fans, and that’s exactly what I’ve got– raving fans.Then I realized there were still other people who I can’t seem to reach– the imperfect ones. The problem kids, troubled teenagers, the unpopular, the nobodies. I thought, if I want to be to be liked by them, I had to be like them.  So I switched sides.  That decision completed my experience on both sides of the world.

After all the hassles and risks, do you think I was accepted, liked and loved?  I believe I was, but it was never enough.  And I figured out why. There was one person left in the room who’s not giving me what I want. That person was me.

Do you wonder why you are unhappy, or dissatisfied?  Why you long so much to find happiness in your outside world?  It’s because your inner world is broken.  It’s not as bright as it supposed to be. It’s dark, dull, empty and confused.

Let me put something on your plate.

Lower your expectations of others.

People make mistakes.  There are days when they are not the best versions of themselves. And some days they couldn’t care about you.  They have issues too you know.  And you can’t compel them to place you at the center of their lives.  They are the center of their lives as much as you are the center of your own. A person who can’t take care of himself isn’t capable of taking care of another human being.  Even if he tries, the fire will soon die if he neglects to add fuel to the furnace. Putting that fuel is something you do yourself. It’s not anyone else’s job.  So own it.

Forgive yourself as often as you can, then do better.

Admit it. You are impatient with others because you are impatient with yourself.  You remain miserable because while others have moved on, you chose to carry the weight around you. Trust me, you’ll never get anywhere if you keep reliving your failures. Feel sorry yes, but don’t dwell on it for too long. Confront yourself with “what now”, enough with “Why, me?.”

Stop projecting your desired realities on to others.

That’s just fair, isn’t it? Because you don’t want others as well to tell you what you should do or supposed to have to be completely happy. Happiness, after all, is an inside job.The fulfillment of such rests on you. So allow people to live a life that is true to them. You have your own to worry about.

photo credit: Aaron Burden

Our life has its own unique design. As a saying goes, “If people are not traveling the same path as yours, it doesn’t mean that they are lost”.  We have our own space and time to fill.  Respect that and you will learn to lower the bars for other people and adjust the bars you set for yourself.

Don’t fret about getting what you want. Don’t be somebody else’s responsibility. Better than that, give life whenever you can and nourish your inner world as much as you should.

Question:

Was there an instance in your life where you believed someone failed you? How was your journey during that phase? How did it change your perspective in life? Comment here. I want to listen to your heart. Let me hear you.

What Is It Gonna Be?

A mentor once said, “Focus on this. One life, one person at a time. If you can create an impact, a change like that, that’s all that matters”.  #sundaewrites

 

 

Bored.

Burdened.

If you have felt these lately, you are not alone. A  million of us share the same road.

In my small circle of friends, at least half of us feel like life is a drag- a heavy load you need to carry with you wherever you want to go. Each step lands your foot in a mud.  You’ve got to pull your leg a little harder every time so you get to move.  If at all, you get to move.

Why do we have days like these? Why can’t we always feel happy and stay like that all year long?

While we all know that happiness is a decision you make for yourself, it’s easier said than done, or perhaps we don’t really know what that means or what it really takes.

All the successful people you’ve known were once upon a time nobodies. They started small. They struggled but kept on because they were driven by something that’s far greater than themselves. Something noble and beautiful. Something they desire to create not only for themselves but for the world, even if that world only meant a handful of people that they deeply care about. So in time, they’ve overcome the hurdles and eventually became great- famous, wealthy, powerful.

Then it happens. Success made these same people get so engrossed on fame, wealth, and power. The drive is now to maintain the status quo or exceed the same. So, they get to work to produce more success-  toil day in and day out that it becomes an obligation they believe they owe to themselves.

Is that bad? Not necessarily. But weak motivations won’t hold you up forever.  You see, the moment our focus change, we forget about why we do what we do in the first place. Our great WHY vanishes into thin air.

 

photo credit: Jon Tyson

 

Take for example this writing.  I don’t know how many people will get to read this and how many of those who read it actually cares.  Despite the nagging desire to know, I choose to resist it. One of my mentors actually said, even the greatest writers still have that fear of rejection- you just have to deal with it. Then she spilled out this nugget of wisdom that up to now continues to motivate me. “Focus on this. One life, one person at a time. If you can create an impact, a change like that, that’s all that matters”.  So whenever I scribble something on a notepad or strike letters on my keyboard, I think about that one person that might find these words useful. Then the writing stops being an obligation. It now becomes an opportunity. No longer a drag rather, a source of delight.

Whenever you feel battered in life, one of the ways that can heal you is through your ability to receive love. Most “strong” people forget about that. Does it come from ego or pride? Maybe.

Regardless, you need to break that wall and let love seep through. You’ll always be a child. Even strong muscles or gray hairs cannot change that.  You need love. Don’t be too proud to receive it.

Boredom. Burden. These are real, but you deserve better.

Embrace your great WHY and open up your heart for Love.

 

photo credit: ben white

 

Question:

Have you taken a step back at one point in life to just reevaluate things? To remind yourself again why you do what you do? What did this “pause” reveal about yourself and the life you pursue? I care about your thoughts. Share them here.